My new year resolution

1. Learn break dance.weee..

2. Master guitar

3. Save 4000 euro

4. Travel to Ireland.

5. Take on a part time job.

6. Be a more informed and organized person.

7. Be a better person, a better friend, like Yee Wen.

“The world is not the most pleasant place. Eventually your parents leave you and nobody is going to go out of their way to protect you unconditionally. You need to learn to stand up for yourself and what you believe and sometimes, pardon my language, kick some ass.” ~Queen Elizabeth II


This quote occurs to me today. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I can't become what it takes to protect the people i love. Am I dumb? sometimes,i felt strongly that I am only good at academic. Other than that, i'm good for nothing. I'm stupid, I do things stupidly, people view me as someone stupid. They judge and doubt me before i even get the chance to prove myself. I didn't even have the time to show them what i got. Maybe i got nothing. That's why they never accepted me. I just want to protect the people i love. That's all. I don't need to win everyone around me. I don't need to win the riches, earn more than them to prove that i am more successful than them. I just want my family and people i love to have a good time when be with me, and i can always solve their problems. i dunno how to man up.ohh how i wish i chud kick asses like queen elizabeth.2. So that I could be a guy someone can rely to. I really do.

可靠

话说我从来就没有工程师的梦。
建出什么发明什么，这些从来就不在我思考范围内。
可能我对玩游戏有兴趣。
可能对数学还算拿手。
但那些都不足以激励我，推动我
去拥有一个工程师的梦。
懵懵懂懂的，因为奖学金的关系，就来到了工程师这条路。
也不是特别喜欢，但因为父亲的关系，就来到了这里。
父亲是个很典型的旧时代思想的男人。
由于那个时代文凭难取的关系，
他们都还蛮尊敬专业人士。
父亲的希望，父亲对我的期待，是可以被理解的。
去咯

一路上，看到了对工程师充满梦想的朋友，
也看到了梦想破灭的朋友。
看到没兴趣，却不得不走下去的人。
也看到，一生只想为钱工作的人。
这一路上，我一直问自己，工程师，值得吗？
我不明白。为何我要读？
随随便便一个在工厂开工经验老到的技术人员，其实也代替得了我的位置了。
所以为何，要读？为何要当工程师？
如果为了钱，那当初选择商科不是很好吗？
如果为了国家社会，那为何不读法律？
究竟为何，要走工程系？

偶然的老友费话，和与姨丈的对话，
让我慢慢有了个模型。。
或许我们的存在，就是为了解决问题而存在的吧。
只是多数是机械电子房屋类的就是了。

持续了两个月的实习在Bangi的GMI,最常听到的名句，由那些讲师口中冒出的字，就是：“money！”
六名讲师，六张脸孔，六颗脑袋，六种思想，一种对钱的观念，一个对工程师的看法。
工程师，最重要就是赚钱！其他有工程师是你错的选择，因为赚的钱不够多啊之类的。
也有就是工程师是个非常压力的工，工多薪少。
听了就一肚子气。他X的，那你当初干吗选择当工程师？你没好好调查的吗？
难道人生除了钱，没有别的了吗？难道我出生的目的，是为了赚很多很多的钱，存起来，直到要死的那天，再捐出去，就完了吗？那我来这世界干吗？
他们消极的话，没使我放弃这条路。我反而更火。

工程师，听起来粉沉闷的。
事实也是如此吧。
不过对我来说，更重要的，是一个可靠的感觉吧。
我想成为一个可靠的人，一个不管人家有什么事，我都可以帮得上，
有什么问题，我都可以解决的人。一个大家信得过的人。
一个我的家人，可以依靠的孩子。不管他们有什么问题，我都可以罩着他们的人。
科技越来越发达，谁掌握了科技的知识，任他天马行空，你也得相信他。
所以。。我想成为一个可以保护人的人，
保护家人，别被伤害。拥有知识，拥有力量
我想这就是为何，我不直接去工厂当技术人员，升级当工头，
而是读工程系吧。
我没有太大的本事。
我只想用我小小的手，保护我珍惜的人就好。

一个人的世界

过了那么久，始终还是不习惯一个人的生活。
单身的生活，没想像的那么如火如荼。
一切是平淡的。。
一个人的可乐，
一台电脑，
就是我的假期最好的良伴。

每一夜，都得被寂寞的思想吞噬。
常常会幻想着我被全世界的人唾弃，
这世界，是没有人关心我。
第二天醒来后，刷个牙，很清楚的又告诉自己，
“想多了啦。”
对啦，不是没人管你，
只是自己比较习惯一直有个人，
很特别很特出的无时无刻的关心。
这样反复的过日子，
也过上了一段时间。
到了至今也没特别改善，不过是现在有了那美国时间，
坐下来静静的思考，
然后发觉这种现象，记载了下来。

到此，忽然想起了个问题，是在今次的假期当中被那两个死人头问倒的。
既然这么爱她，当初为何离开？
。。。。。。
是移情别恋吗？
我想是的。
可是结果呢?
其实也不是真爱。
难道我骨子里，没有好好爱人的基因吗？
说实话，这也是近期才发现的。。
我有。。可是不可以乱释放。。
要选对。。因为不小心爱深了，
会很死。。
哈

and now i know how it's like,to be aside.

i hope i could take a ride,

go to somewhere else,where i won't even ever need to hide;

so i don't have to hide from the stares shoot upon me by whoever i care when i cried.

we both cried.you cried out of guiltiness, i cried out of love.

we cried for the same reason,just a different time.

i hope i could undone,the pains that i had done.

but scars had been made, memories turned into a beast,

eating my inside, and that's the day that i realized,i deserved it.

i'm sorry i made you worry.maybe i should've cried alone,

eat up all this alone,so that you could enjoy your life alone.

don't worry, i'm ok.i'm really ok.told you i'm ok.go and have a goodnight sleep,

and tonight is another night,where i told myself not to cry anymore,and really have a good sweet sleep;

guess i never know how to control my emotions.

how to keep my soul away for people who i care

so that they'll never be hurt by me.

在一个无聊的夜晚，写下的事情。

哈哈。。真搞不清自己为何想到的都是英文字。。

My oath

This is the last time I'll stay up overnight, to ease my pain.
It makes me feel pain.
The hot weather numbs my feelings.
How many nights had passed?
sleepless night.
wearing out myself.
my soul,
and my body.
and yet, I still can't feel the release.
so captivating
i'm drunk in past
with full of imaginations and possibility,


Throwing thorns on others,
when I'm still wearing the thorn crown.
The pain i should wear,
Eases by imagining the others wearing it,
when I'm dangling around with it.
showing off around,
fooling around,
laughing around,
with my wicked crown.
Hell yeah i love my crown.
hang it around without a frown...
without hearing her sound.
just trying to hurt,
hurt everyone else...
how i wish i could sleep once more...
why i couldn't just have a sound sleep...
can't i stop another recollection?
or i just doesn't have any choice anymore?
to face my mistake
i wish i could have run
just trying to hide.
all by myself...
on my shoulders.

heads are blowing with dreams,
sweet dreams resembles the worst nightmare
when what suppose to be there isn't
can I start again?
can i go back and undo this?
I just have to stay,and face my mistake,
when i get stronger and wiser,
i'll get through this...
I have to start forgetting these
and how many times will it take for me
to get it right?
all on my shoulders...
my best intentions are the poison
my ignorance are the remedy
well if i get stronger and wiser,
i'll get through this.
If i get stronger n wiser....
just wanna have no more mess...
but how many times will it take?
to not hurt anymore...
and to not be forgotten.
sleepless night worn me out
but at least it eases the pain..
but this is the last time...
to be sleepless...

单身汉就要爱自己

这是这个星期以来影响我最深的一句话。也许剩下来的，也就是自己吧。
要让别人爱自己，首先就要爱自己。
照顾好自己的身体健康，
打扮得体面一点，
充实自己的人生。
也许这些就是我这个有空的单身汉，
可以做的事情。